what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
