Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
we're so committed to being not committed
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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