Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
