I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
