I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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