I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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