Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
