I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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