uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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