Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
