If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
