Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
