btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
