We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
