The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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