This is not my ceiling
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
