Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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