i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
