I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
