She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
