I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
