Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
