all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
