I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
