saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
