with your own penis?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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