hell yes lets make some ravioli
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
