The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
