i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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