dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
