My sheets look like a crime scene.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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