I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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