Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
she smelled like a LAN party
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The air was thick with penises
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
