walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
