so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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