I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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