I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
