he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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