Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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