So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
