i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
tell me about the eggs
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
