Yo dont text me then not text me
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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