While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
