I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
