My room smells like vodka and shame
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
