You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
