That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
