Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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