OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
