Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
