you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i need to put some appletini on your dick
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
