Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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