Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
