okay pat passed out under dana's car
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
