Soap is not a condiment
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
