My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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