drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
