My brain says no but my pants say off.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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