But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
