Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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