how can u be prego again
My balls are so social today.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
