first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
