oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
